From the Mind of a Caged Bird

Sometimes it'd be nice...

2009-08-10T19:04:00.000-07:00

I'd like to be able to sleep in my bed on the weekends.
I'd like to be able to come into my bedroom after they leave and not see cups, bowls, etc EVERYWHERE.
I'd like to not be blamed for their cups/bowls/etc being everywhere.
I'd like for them to pick up after themselves, clean after themselves, and just be considerate.
I'd like to not be woken up anymore with my nephew headbutting me.
I'd like the bruise on my eye to go away because it was not right for my nephew to throw things at me.
I'd like to not be yelled at for telling Scott to "stop biting me." Because when his mom tells him to stop he doesn't listen, and it's not like he listens to me either.
I'd like spanking to work instead of just making Scott laugh and continue to disobey.
I'D LIKE FOR SCOTT TO JUST OBEY IN GENERAL.

Human's make no sense

2009-08-10T03:01:00.001-07:00

Why do humans insist on returning to situations where they are abused, mistreated, etc? It would be so much easier if they simply said 'its over' and left, forever. Better for them, better for their children, better for their futures...

Sigh.

I Miss It

2009-08-06T12:28:00.000-07:00

I miss High School. I miss being able to walk through the halls and see my friends, or being able to have close relationships with teachers who really understand me. I miss not being expected to be perfect, or mature. I don't miss the drama... but in an odd way I kind of do. I hate that now I have to wonder when the next time I'll see my friends will be. I hate that I am still being lied to by some friends.

College is changing everything. And sometimes, I just want High School back.

Friend Drama

2009-08-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

So I called my friend Stephanie yesterday to see if I could come over. About 2 minutes before I get to her door her friend Chantel, my ex-friend, called her and told her SHE was coming over. Of course, Stephanie failed to mention that I was there or the fact that she already had plans with me -_-

Well Chantel ends up coming over and it's like whatever. Stephanie and I talk, Stephanie and Chantel talk, we all talk a few times. It's basically like, ok whatever I'll basically ignore you.

Well then Chantel springs on Stephanie and informs her that she's taking her to the movies to watch the new Harry Potter. First of all, you little witch, I already had plans with Stephanie. You have NO right to start talking to her and telling her to get ready to leave because it's cheaper. Finally I got tired of it and told Stephanie bye and left. I hate Chantel and she hates me and I was just not going to deal with it.

Here lately there's been a lot of drama going on. Ugh.

Fail Parenting

2009-08-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

My mother is extremely jealous of me. I couldn't tell you why, but I've known this for pretty much most of my life. I think it's because I didn't have to do the same hard labor and work that she did as a child, but I can't be 100% certain. Obviously this jealousy has caused many issues between us, and it sparks many fights.

Tonight, one such fight happened.

My mom always tries to yell at me and force me to do things for her, ever since I've turned 18 I've started standing up to her and I refuse to take her crap. Today we got into a fight about how she claims I haven't been exercising. I tried to explain to her that all break I HAVEN'T exercised and have still lost weight. She said "Honestly you look like you've gained some back." I said "oh really? Because I weighed myself at Ashley's house and in the few days between that I had lost 2 pounds." Then of course, the argument starts and she freaks out at me.

Yanno what, I don't have an issue with exercising, I don't. It's the fact that we don't have food in this house right now that if I DID exercise all I would be burning would be muscles. I can hardly find enough food to eat 1,500 calories a day (minimum for me to survive), if I want to work out I'll need at LEAST 2,500. She doesn't seem to understand this, no matter how many times I explain this to her.

But whatever. She always has to have her way. And I'm not going to let her ruin my week. My birthday is Saturday and that's all that matters. If I have to walk a few blocks to my friends' house to get her to shut up, I will.

Good job, mom, you win.

Our fears and how they effect us..

2009-08-04T13:37:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking about this due to a dream I had. Normally I do not have irrational fears, but there are two things I am terrified of that can literally cause me to go into panic attacks if I do not get out of the situation.

Fear 1 is stairs with no backs. Since many people have no clue what I'm talking about, look to your left to see the sort of stairs I'm talking about. Those absolutely terrify me. Many places in our world have these sorts of stairs, and that inhibits me from going to said places. My sister used to live in an apartment with these type of stairs (but they were metal, which scares me more than wood ones) and I couldn't even walk up them to give her some groceries. I panic, and go completely stiff when I'm being asked to walk onto these sorts of stairs. I honestly panic and break down and if I was forced to go too far up a set of these stairs I may actually start to cry. I have no clue why I'm afraid of these stairs, all I know is that I am and the panic that I experience from walking down or up these sorts of things cause me to not want to get anywhere near them.

Fear 2 would be thunderstorms. Or rather, tornadoes. I am freaked out anytime a storm happens because all I can think is "what if there's a tornado? will there be a tornado? will I die?" My body reacts in a violent way and for much of the storm I am in the bathroom losing anything I've eaten. This is why I generally do not eat before a storm and rather wait until after. When I was a little kid I absolutely LOVED storms, I would sit on the porch and watch. But one day that all changed, and that was the day when a freakish turn of events caused around 10 funnel clouds to hover over my town. I watched them from the porch and then one started to come down and my family panicked, and we all ran for the closets (because our basement flooded every storm). My cat ran out of the closet and outside and I started sobbing because I was so afraid he would die. Luckily, the tornado didn't touch down in our town and we were safe, but ever sine when we get a tornado warning I have anxiety attacks and begin to cry.

And now the entire reason for this post...

I had a dream where I was at my grandma's house. We went into a part of the house that isn't actually in my gram's house and my sister was trying to get me to go outside. Well, the stairs had no backs and of course, being afraid of them, I freaked out and told her I would not go down them. So I turned and started back the way we came, but then everything changed and the only way to get out of the place we were at would be to go down these stairs with no backs. As I was freaking out trying to find an exit a storm blew up and the entire house started to rock. Just as I looked outside and saw the start of a tornado, my mom woke me up. I was stressed, confused, and breathing hard and it took me a few minutes to realize it was all a dream.

In a way, it's pathetic what I'm afraid of, but for some reason unknown to me it effects me and causes issues with my life. I used to be fine with these things, but now I am not.

While I'm at it, I figure I should mention a few other things I'm scared of:
Elevators (terrify me, I can not get on one. Or an escalator for that matter)
Heights (I live on the 2nd story and am getting over this fear, but you would never catch me near the edge of a cliff)

Birthday Plans and how they don't work.

2009-08-04T10:32:00.000-07:00

Weeeeell, my "wonderful" birthday is coming up this Saturday. I will be 19 (yay? -facepalm-) and will be nearing the ends of my teenager years.

So of course my parents are like "you're 18, almost 19, we're not throwing you parties anymore." Noooo big deal. I can throw my own party. I am 18, after all. Of course, I can't afford one of those amazing parties that has been thrown in the past. So I warn my friends ahead of time that we will be having juice and peanut butter and jelly... and probably no cake unless my sister pulls through.

Well, I can't have the party at my house so where... whereeee could I have it? EUREKA! The graveyard! Now before you guys are all like "wat?!", me and my friends spend quite a lot of time at the graveyard. There is a grave there that says "Unwanted Baby Girl 'X'" and my friends and I have adopted her and named her Simi, this is why we spend so much time there. We have had picnics at the graveyard, we've had sleep-overs at the graveyard, you name it and we've done it. Well... we've never had a birthday party... yet.

So here I am all like Wohooo! I can make my own birthday plans! When suddenly it happens.

What happens, you ask?

The weather.

Oh yes. So I was checking the weather and guess what is supposed to happen the day of my lovely birthday plans? Not rain. Not snow.

A full, blown out, angry storm.

In fact... the only day its NOT supposed to storm is on Thursday.

Aaaaaaarghhhhhhhh.

Well, there goes my plans.

On to plan B!

What is plan B?

B. For Begging. My mother.

You see, I've been trying to talk my mom into just letting me have my party at my house (some of my other friends are like 'omg a graveyard no way') and she's been kiiiinda like "okay" but also like "no" so... I guess I have to pull out the whole "It's going to storm and we'll get rained on and die." dealio.

Well. That's it for my ramblings right now. I'll probably be back with more later. (Hey, this is sort of becoming a diary or something lol!)

And in this corner we have... fail.

2009-08-04T00:47:00.000-07:00

So today I was pretty riled up. Why, you ask?

One answer: Craigslist.

Yes, it's pathetic that I would allow myself to get so angry, so indescribably p'd off at an internet website... but when you read the following, you will understand.

Basically, these two people have been arguing back and forth for a few days about gay people. Now, anyone that doesn't know this should know now that I am a lesbian. Basically, one person was defending gay people and the other was bashing them. I was staying out of it and laughing at the stupidity when this.. this IDIOT literally said this:

"Gay people are more likely to molest children."

What... WHAT?!?! ARE YOU RETARDED?! You do realize that, statistically speaking, straight white men are the most common pedophiles and most likely to rape children??

Sorry to burst your bubble, hun, but I have NO intimate feelings about children and the mere thought causes vomit to rise in my throat.

I really hope someone shoots this man.

The importance of researching your pet BEFORE you get it!

2009-02-02T10:50:00.000-08:00

To be honest, I'm tired of seeing people come onto one of the hamster/rodent forums I'm on and show pictures of their poor pet in a horrible home. Sure you rescued Muffins/Pixy/Fido/Wolfe from a "horrible situation", sure you just "bought him from the store, didn't mean to!", sure he came as a surprise birthday gift. SURE. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do SOME research BEFORE joining forums and acting stupid.

First of all, all rodents are very sensitive. Just like cats and dogs, they need vet care and constant visual. If their water bottle is out of water, you can damn well bet they wont TELL you that. You have to see yourself. Rodents are prey animals, not pets, they don't make many noises and when they do you can pretty much bet something is seriously wrong. The only exception to this rule is "happy clicking" which you can barely hear.

And don't get me started on cages. I'll put it plain and simple. QUIT WASTING YOUR $40 ON SHIT CAGES AT THE STORE. They are NOT good for your hamster. Syrian hamsters (not teddy bear, panda, etc as pet stores label them to make you pay more) need 300 SQUARE INCHES minimum. Dwarf hamsters (Campbells, Chinese, Robovorski, or Winter White. NOT 'blueberry' 'russian snow' etc) need 200 SQUARE INCHES minimum- OH. And dwarf hamsters can squeeze out of 1/2inch openings through wire bars ;) Most pet store cages are lucky to have 100 SQUARE INCHES- IF that. It's exactly the same as if you were to lock your dog in a crate all its life- or YOU live in a CLOSET all your life. So before you go waste your money, go buy your dwarf a 10gallon tank or your Syrian a 20gallon and save your money. OR better yet, buy a bin ($15 max) at wal*mart and MAKE YOUR OWN CAGE :o

And then there's wheels. Don't get me started on wheels. Basically, if you own a hamster tape your wheel with duct tape. The picture on the right is of my hamster on his duct taped wheel. See how 1. its taped on the inside AND outside and 2. ITS BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM?

That leads into my second point. People buying wheels that are too small. People, Syrian hamsters need 7" wheels and dwarfs need 6" wheels. The bigger, the better. There should NOT be a bar going through the middle and their backs should NOT bend at all when they are running. If your pets (all rodents are the same for this rule) have a bent back when they're running, the wheel is too small. Also, gerbils need a bit bigger wheels because their tails will curl over their backs and cause issues with that.

Another thing, bedding. CEDAR AND PINE ARE THE WORST THINGS EVER. Ever. They cause respitory stress, UTI's, etc and can even lead to death. Not only that, but they smell like hell. Aspen, Carefresh, recycled paper type bedding, unscented toilet paper/paper towels/etc. ALL of those are FINE for bedding. But remember, hamsters like to dig. They need enough substance to dig down into. Gerbils need atleast 6" of bedding to make tunnels (gerbils will need to have timothy hay or shredded cardboard mixed into their bedding to help their tunnels stay open).

Roll about balls, avoid them at ALL costs. My gerbil, Tiki, was in a roll about ball in his previous home. He ran into the wall so hard going so fast he now has brain damage. Also, they cut off rodents' senses (hearing, smell, eyesight, etc) and stress an animal more than you could imagine.

Food. Gah, food. People make too many mistakes and end up with fat hamsters. First off all, sunflower seeds and corn are /bad/. They are "filler" items. If your hamster food is stock full of those, just choose a new hamster food. You can buy Wild Harvest hamster & gerbil at Wal*Mart, if you say you don't have a Petsmart to buy hamster food from. Wild Harvest is atleast decent, better than half the crap you can buy. Just pick out the corn/sun flower seeds. Dwarf hamsters need one TEASPOON of food a NIGHT, syrians need TWO. So stop filling your hamster bowls to the brim with food, that's just way too much. Also avoid foods with BHA/BHT and ethoxyquin, they cause cancer and death in rodents. You may notice in my picture, my hamster has a dog bone. Dog bones are great treats for hamsters, as they love to chew on them and it helps to keep their teeth from getting too long. But if you DO give your hamster a bone, make sure it doesnt have too much fat or protein. Dog bones are treats, and may be used as suppliments to a hamsters diet ONLY if they need the extra protein/fat.

I think that's all for now. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Happy rodent owning!

And last, but not least. Join this forum and read all the stickies. They have great help.
http://www.hamsterhouse.com/forum/index.php

A totally un-cared for art spam.

2009-01-25T16:47:00.000-08:00

I'm sick and when I cough its like my lungs are on FIRE >:( so I have nothing to blog about =_=;; So instead of just rambling, I figured I may as well have art spam.. Yaaay...

Woooho. That's all I got for ya x_o;

My book + sneak peak

2009-01-24T13:35:00.001-08:00

If anyone wants to help me with character names for my book, please post here with a list of names for the following characters:

Girl - 11 - Quiet, a bit shy, ridiculed and hated. Brown faded hair. Brown eyes. 4’ 7”, 80lbs. Unknown origins.
Man - 21 - Straight long black hair, grey eyes. 5’11”, 155lbs. Phillipean
Man - unknown age - Gentle, but necessarily harsh
Female - unknown age - Strict, but sweet and understanding
Male - unknown age - Hated, rude, loves to cause trouble
Female - unknown age - brother of above. Kind, gentle, tries to keep her brother out of trouble and fix his mistakes

If you have any name ideas, let me know ^^

Heres a preview for ya---

------------------------------------------------------ PROLOGUE

In America, there were many people. Some were kind, others were mean. I remember once, going to New York. As I was preparing for bed I heard the couple in the next room, fighting. The woman was screaming horridly. I thought she was going to be killed. I laid there that night, thinking of her, wishing she was okay. Now, when I hear the people downstairs screaming, I think of them too.

Ah Blogger, how you tease me..

2009-01-23T13:48:00.000-08:00

Here I am with this blog, and I have nothing to blog about!

Well certainly I do. Perhaps the fact I'm sick, and came home from school early? Maybe the cat? How about how boring my fish are because they aren't fancy guppies?

Oh to hell with it. Let's express my love for HORATIO CANE. Ooooh yeah.

Anyways, onto ordinary? things...

Oh wait, there is nothing ordinary ;__; Someone pleaaasae give me something to blog about. Glah.

Stuff (the cat!)

2009-01-17T09:10:00.000-08:00

I found a stray cat yesterday. She was outside at 7am in the morning when I walked to the bus (in like... 0degree weather...) with a dog whom was barking at us and still there when I came home around 5 (without the dog), so I definately walked over and picked her up.

She's very sweet, a little bit skinny but very VERY clean. She doesn't have fleas, her ears were clean, she has an impression on her neck that had to have been left by a collar. I'm thinking she may have been a pet dump, afterall there was the dog with her. A few hours ago I walked over to the store and we got her 9lives cat food. Not the best, I'm aware, but it's inbetween pay days and thats all we could afford at the moment.

We've contacted the humane society and told them we have her, I'm putting up posters later on today and we're going to walk around the area and ask if anyone knows where she came from. She is very beautiful, and if she was lost- we will find her owners.

For now we're calling her "Stuff" x3. My mom named her. Oh also, we won't be keeping her :/... well I HOPE we will, and moms falling in love with her soooo it's possible... I want to get her this collar from across the street. Its $1 and it's a purple collar with a cute bell XD It's really adorable. Hell, SHE'S really adorable!

Ok thats all for today :)

Ta-ta!!

Mahou

An answer, and I fail.

2009-01-15T15:46:00.000-08:00

So I failed. Because I wasn't able to update at ALL that week. My internet was completely shut off. Whoops.

Now Have-Not-Sheep asked me "Have you ever stayed up for 24 hours?"

The answer?

Yes! My record is 63 hours, actually. I lived on an entire 2 liter of Doctor Pepper, a loaf of bread, and a container of circle sliced turkey.... I was strange? oO;

Tomorrow in J-Club we're making rice balls :D!! I'll make sure to bring my camera and take some pictures for that ;)

For now, heres a cute picture of my hamster :)

This is my hamster, Maxx!! X3

Stare at the Moon...

2009-01-03T11:22:00.000-08:00

Gah. I just burnt my lips on ramen >_>;

So, dad decided to not pay the cable/internet bill when we had the money to. He's paying it on Friday, but until then our internet will be "dial up" speed. Blogger is practically the only website running the same (thank you, Blogger!); so this will be where I give all my friends updates :]

So hello, friends!

Today I am in a lot better mood. Yesterday I went to bed at 12am I was so upset, which actually helped a lot to get me back onto my "school schedule", as it is. Before, I had been going to bed between 4 and 6 am D:

(my lip hurts)

I don't have very much to say =_=;; Uhhh.

Oh yeah!! I'm still offering my drawings because I really like to draw, so if any of my friends want me to draw something for them, either post here or message me on MSN whenever I get on. OR you can text me if you know my text number :D

When you comment, please say who you are XD;

Musings...

2009-01-02T18:51:00.000-08:00

Why is it that most people don't consider "vet care" as part of the basic needs of an animal?

I am a member of a rodent website, and there is a young lady there who's pet has mange. Now, most people would either 1. take the animal to the vet or 2. take the animal to the pound, where THEY can fix it. However, this young lady chooses to completely ignore her pet, and is getting another. Her dogs are also unfixed, and had a litter. Her reason for not fixing them? "Because they are purebred with papers."

This girl isn't stupid, she takes general great care of her animals. Her pets have food, water, a home to live in- everything they need. So why is it that she ignores their right to veterinary medicine?

The dogs, okay. I can live with her not fixing her dogs. She claims they can be responsible, then alright.

But when does basic medical care stop being an important factor in the choice to own an animal? To me, these are the things you HAVE to consider before you get an animal:

1. Can you afford food?
2. Can you afford shelter?
3. Can you afford vet care for it?
4. Have you done enough research about its basic needs?
5. Can you fulfill its basic needs (food, water, shelter, vet, etc for certain animals like hamsters which need a certain amount of space in its cage, bedding, etc)?
6. Are you prepared to take on the responsibility of getting the animal something it needs if your parents suddenly decide its 'not worth it' or they 'arent paying for this anymore'?

If you answered no to any of that, you shouldn't get that pet. I'm sorry, but if you take on the responsibility of getting it- you take on EVERYTHING it comes with. All its illness', all its diseases, everything.

Welcome to my Mind

2008-09-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

Through the coming of the future years I hope to allow insight into my mind, into my life, and into my heart. I wish for this blog to inspire, to inform, and most of all- to help people come together to form a great community.

The term "caged bird" comes from a song I wrote, titled "I Miss You". I'll post the song here later for your to read.

I assume I should start this post as a sort of "introduction" to myself, so I shall.

Hello, my name is Mahou. I am 18 years old. I live in Kentucky. I am a therian, my element is fire, and I can not use magic. I enjoy reading, writting, and drawing. I have a 6 month old nephew, and a 20 year old sister. My father is 41, my mother is 39. I have had many tramatic experiences in my life, which will come out throughout the years.

For now, I will sign off. Thank you.

I Miss You

As I Sit Here Thinking Back

To The Days Of Our Love

Its Made Painstakingly Clear To Me

You Were A Gift From Above

(fast)

But I Broke Your Wings

Wanted You Here With Me

As The Caged Bird Sings

I Cant See You Here With Me

(gradually get slower then continue at a smooth pace)

I Broke It All

I Broke It Off

I Miss You Now

Cant You See How?

I Broke It All

I Broke It Off

I Miss You Now

Cant You See How?

But Theres No Hope

Theres No Light

For That Glint Of Freedom

You Will Fight

I Miss You Now

Cant You See How?

I Miss You Now

Cant You See How?

I Loved You So

Dont You Know?

My Insecurity

Led You Away From Me

Im Sorry For The Pain

Im Sorry For The Lies

Im Sorry For Everything

I Know You Wish I Would Die

Im Sorry

I Miss You

I Really Do

Im Sorry

I Miss You

I Really Do

I Broke It All

I Broke It Off

I Miss You Now

Cant You See How?

I Miss You Now

Cant You See How?